“Will you forgive me?”
“Will you forgive me?”As soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth, I awkwardly wanted to retreat and grasp for the words to come back like they had never been released. I am not an individual who loves conflict. In fact, I tend to run in the opposite direction. However, I have had to meet this weakness head-on during the past several months.
“The hardest part of this upcoming year will not be at your service site or with your neighbors. No, it will be in your home with the people who are sitting around you now.” As our director told us these words during training, I took note of them but did not fully grasp just how real they would become.
One of the most pivotal lessons I am beginning to learn throughout my internship is the ability to fight toward someone. It’s easier to just walk away, either physically or emotionally if not both. It’s much harder to choose to not only remain present, but also to fight in the best interest of the person you are having conflict with. That also means seeking forgiveness and forgiving others, even when you “don’t feel like it.”
One of the most pivotal lessons I am beginning to learn throughout my internship is the ability to fight toward someone.In spite of the hurt and anger you may be personally feeling, there is so much maturity and compassion in being willing to state “I am for you and I love you” in the middle of conflict. I have been able to see this demonstrated in my relationships with my teammates and have also seen incredible transformation occur when someone knows you earnestly care about them.
It is one thing to say you care about someone during a “feel-good” hang out session when laughter is contagious and spirits are high. However, it has a completely different connotation when tensions are high, yet you are still able to affirm the importance and value of the other person in your life.
I am growing to learn that these four other girls I share a bedroom with (yes, you read that correctly) are the only ones whom will truly understand the hardships and joys of the year-long LTN program. We have been together through many challenges and late-night cry sessions.
In spite of the hurt and anger you may be personally feeling, there is so much maturity and compassion in being willing to state “I am for you and I love you” in the middle of conflict.They have walked with me through some brutal struggles in trying to grasp why God has allowed painful circumstances into my life and the lives of those I love. They have comforted me when I have anxious thoughts and they continuously remind me of God’s grace. They have also been the ones to make me laugh and have encouraged me to truly be myself without any fear of judgment. I am so thankful for these godly women who are able to go through this journey together with me.