Each Thursday, LTN will be featuring a blog written by an Alumni during their time of service. This week’s feature comes from 2010/2011 Alumni Rachel Szabo. This post was originally written in February 2011.
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?
Your palms sweat. You nervously rub them together as you sit waiting for the response from across the desk.
“Well,” Employer says, laying aside your resume. “As far as I can see you have no qualifications for this job. In fact, many of your traits would actually work against this company and its mission.”
You stare down at the office’s rough grey carpet. You figured as much.
I was stupid to even apply. What was I thinking? you scold yourself.
You look up to thank Employer for his time. Surprised, you find he is smiling. He extends a hand toward you.
I have a confession: I am an unqualified candidate for being an urban missionary. I don’t have what it takes.I must make a confession: I am an unqualified candidate for being an urban missionary. I don’t have what it takes. This past month I have been reminded of this as I have struggled to fight my familiar battles of anxiety and fear.
I have come to the realization that life in the inner-city, working at a homeless shelter, is a poor environment for one with a phobia of anything related to blood, violence, hospitals, or medical situations. I know several friends grieving over deaths. Sammy, a Jeff. Street resident, has been in and out of the hospital due to complications with his kidneys, liver, and possibly pancreas. Several people do not think he will recover from this. One Sunday morning I had to call 911 for a guest who was seizing. I got so shaken up by the incident that I called my church family from college. I asked them to pray for me to help calm me down. I spent the bulk of the morning crying and shaking in the upstairs office. I have a hard time staying asleep at night. Several times I have thought, I just want to be somewhere else. I am unqualified, and I am weak.
BUT THE LORD…
But the Lord is strong. I identify well with the words Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians:
…To keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said, ‘My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”-2 Corinthians 12 :7-10
If I did not have these weaknesses, I would not be so driven to dependence on Christ.If I did not have these weaknesses, I would not be so driven to dependence on Christ. But I need Him. Every day. And His power is strong enough to pull me through anything. I love the friends I’ve made and the Christian community I have here. I can think of nothing else I would rather be doing. So on the grace and power of Christ alone, I still stand. [Tweet “Who would allow an unqualified candidate to join his work? The Lord would. He’s crazy like that…”]